A Wedding Vent

I am so sick and tired of looking at invitations and addresses and everything wedding. Designing my own because I didn't like traditional ones? Hate them now. Trying to get the wording right so they sound like real invitations? Ummm, how many weddings have I really been to? I don't know what invitations are supposed to say. Using purple for my color? I never want to see an eggplant again. Lilies? My favorite flower? Never again. I'd be happy to take a weed eater and whack the heck out of any orange flower I see on the side of the road. (And for anyone who thinks orange and purple don't go together, get over it. It looks good, it's better that pink and green and I don't care what you think.) Shoes and music and photography...

Remember when I said brides should use weeds to make things easy? Nevermind. Elope. It's the ultimate easy decision. But then I guess you have to deal with the crap from everyone when you get home. So weigh your options. Don't listen to the girl who's going to have a nervous breakdown before six weeks is up.

At least we finally got a ring for Ray. Sort of. We ordered one, titanium, that came in after about five weeks. Ray tried it on, it was too big. So I took it back to order a smaller size because titanium can't be sized (and because with seven weeks til the wedding it's cutting it close), and guess what? The store was closing. And not taking any more orders. Thankfully my mom was there and she got them to take it back for me (she's a little more fiery than I am) even though the receipt says no returns or exchanges. So Ray and I searched for rings again on Sunday. And we ordered the exact same ring from a different store in a smaller size after hunting for a different one for two hours. Let's hope this one fits (but this store will exchange it).

And since invitations have been consuming my time, here's a little more for you. Have you ever heard of defective envelopes? I have. We bought these cool sponge pens to seal them, but oh, no. Water wasn't enough for these. Neither was licking them (apparently I believed saliva has some special kind of sealing agent). So we had to resort to glue sticks. And it still didn't work. These things just didn't want to be sealed. I think the little gummy people who live on sticky strips were resisting, pushing up their arms, shouting "Noooooo!!!!" in tiny squeally voices (did you know they're distant relatives to Smurfs?). Yeah, that nervous breakdown? It's coming. Anyway, I was up til one last night re-gluing invitations. So if any of you get sticky envelopes from me for the wedding, sorry. At least it was closed. And if you can't open it? Good, I did my job.

And another tip, make the guest list early with everyone you could possibly invite on it so you know how many people you're inviting and you can argue about it before you address invitations. Never leave the option open to say, "Hey, we forgot them! What's their address? We should invite them... they probably won't come anyway." Because it's not fun. Trust me. I think my Bridezilla tail started growing this weekend just because of the stupid invitations.